Community

It's been awhile since I have written.  It's not for lack of wanting, or even for topics to discuss, but as a cousin once said of her own blog, sometimes there is too much feeling, too much to express through words.  Especially those that are made public.

Community
noun, plural com·mu·ni·ties.

1. a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

2. a locality inhabited by such a group.

3. a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually preceded by the  ): the business community; the community of scholars.

4. a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

5. Ecclesiastical . a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule.

It's been on my mind a lot recently.  For as long as a month or more.  I  keep coming back to this  concept, this idea.  What is community?  What is MY definition of community?  Does it need to be people always within easy proximity to me?  Does the quality and/or quantity of the relationship make a difference, to the number of people in proximity?  

Is this desire to move 'home', to Maine, a desire for the community of family present?  Or is it a fleeing from change, from the transition I am still going through?  Because, when I return to my adult life, the one I have made outside of Maine, I realize I DO have a community...

It may not always be close by or readily available according to my perception and need.  It may not always be the intimate bond I share with some of my old gold friends.  And it's not blood family.  But the community I have, the community I am growing, is unique and so in-tune with who I am.  As I have grown, and traveled, so too have I amassed an incredible web of friends, colleagues, and my own 'adopted' family.  

Friends whom I can call or text at any time, and heaven forbid I don't answer when they reply minutes, hours, or the next day - because they WILL respond to ensure I'm OK.  Thank you, by the way, to all of you on my SOS list ;)  you know who you are. 

Friends I have made in the past few years, roommates, friends of friends  slowly filling out my new 'crew.'  Colleagues, staff, managers who have become friends, and who have my best interest at heart and randomly check-in to see what is new.

Friends from college, high school, grade school, who still chat and catch up.  And the friends, those few crazy friends from the waaaaay back days of gaming, some whom I've met, and some whom I have not, and yet the bond we share is still there and just a message away.  

And the new people I am meeting, through classes, workshops, and common interests.  Spirituality, TaeKwon Do, Raw Food, Meetup.com. 

Community.  Connections.  Like all things in life, you get what you put in to it.  If I were to move back to Maine, I would miss the connections I have made here.  I have made these same connections elsewhere, Illinois, Philadelphia, ... SNHU, BHS ... and I hope I will have the chance to make them again, and again, and again.  

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is it has taken me awhile to see that I DO have a community here.  It may not fit the description and definition I was previously using in my mind.  It did not fit my expectation - but I DO have one.  I have to remember to USE it, to reach out and touch someone - LOL  To use my voice, my words. 

Who is your community?  How do you connect with others when you are feeling all alone and adrift?

Inspiration & Fodder for Tonight's Post

 

Job Search: Part 2

I feel as though I'm starting all over again.  Going into month 4 of unemployment, and for the last 2-3 weeks, I've been laid out straight with illness!  That 'break' really interrupted the flow I had and now, I'm feeling a bit stuck.   

The days are getting warmer, the trees are budding, and I feel sluggish, losing ambition to go job hunting.  Passing up an opportunity that was not a good fit for me has also set me back a bit.  I hate to admit it, but I like having my days to myself, and for the most part enjoy taking each day as it comes.  But I also know I need to get back to work, doing something society considers productive. 

So, I will give myself the rest of this week to rest and get over the last of the coughing, and dependance on my inhaler, and then next week, I start attacking the job hunt again.  I need to get back into the game before too much more time elapses.  I still feel hope that the right job is out there, I just need to clarify what I want, so I can go get it.  I have even been having dreams that I'm at work, a new place, and am doing well.  Now just to find it in my waking life. 

So that's where I am.  I am grateful for the abundance in my career, and field of interest.  And I am grateful for the abundance of positive relationships in my life :)

Changes in the Heart

My mind has been spinning of late with ideas about value, and money, and my dreams for the future.  Discerning those dreams, the next job, what I want out of life in the next week, month, 3months, 6months, etc.  And finances as always have been on my heart.  To be debt free, and be able to breath more easily, and have money in savings for security. 

And I realize, I also have had this line running through my mind - thanks to my cousin's blog:

"Hello God, what do you have planned for me?" 

I pray (getting better), I meditate (slacking lately), I try to stay positive and find the silver linings.  I believe in God (always).  I may not have the best church & Bible background, but I do have faith.  And I know God has a plan for me.  To use the words of others, because it best describes my situation right now - God has placed some interesting thoughts and ideas on my heart recently.  My job search is being momentarily side lined to get my finances in order, and get on a PLAN, a *gasp* Budget, one that will radically change my life in the short term, to meet some long term debt-free goals.

"Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else" ~ Dave Ramsey

It's scary to think about, to envision.  But it's also kind of exhilarating to think of the debt going away.  Credit cards are evil.  Student Loans are a way of life.  Other lines of credit, car payments etc - all gone!  And to know that those are gone - is amazing.  My current plan is estimating completion by 2017.  4 years away.  This is a very conservative plan, and it is allowing for some of my current habits to continue: dining out, and a movie at the theater or a new book.  - If I cut these as well, I could potentially speed this up by 6 months or a year.  And this is based on my unemployment income.  When I do go back to work, I can hopefully have this all paid off in 2-2.5 years!!  Or sooner - depending on the intensity. 

This idea has been percolating for a few months now.  Friends told me about the plan last November, and I've been tossing it around ever since.  A new aspect that I didn't think about was the charitable giving aspect.  The book stresses Give, save, spend.  The first line item of every worksheet is Charitable giving. 

I love giving :)  That's not the issue... It's who to give to?  What to give?  How much?  I thank my other Cousin & her husband for her help in discerning where to start.  With what I can gladly and willing give.  No percentage to start - just what I feel free and clear to give.  They gave me a website to look at and will be suggesting a few others soon. 

So, That's where I am today.  My heart & mind are leading me in a new(er) direction, and are helping me organize my life in ways that have been brewing for awhile.

Physically I feel better - not healed, but better.  And emotionally/Mentally - I'm in a much better place.  Thank you to all the friends and family who have talked to me, supported me, and continue offering encouragement and re-lighting the way and the inspiration to keep going, and that yes - it will all work out, and I WILL find a job.   

"Hello God, what do you have planned for me?"   

Following the Spiral Down

Many blogs, articles, and memes have been circulating about the false interconnectedness of people through the internet.  These documents show a potential decrease in ones ability to truly biologically, and psychologically connect with another person.  How our brains slowly stop learning how to read anothers facial expressions, and thus not fully connect with them.

I am feeling that very keenly right now.  9 days of being sick.  Of seeing people in small spurts at the store or Dr.'s office.  I have spoken on the phone, online, but truly, I've not seen people to interact with them.  And it's starting to weigh on me.  I just want to chat in person with someone - visit!!  Go for a walk (while still being able to breath).  Watch a movie in a theater.  I want to be healthy again - but this illness is not allowing me that pleasure.  I feel tired, and worn out and so very, very sore from coughing. 

And confused.  Defeated.  At wits end with the job search.  The interviews all went so well.  The job seems like a great fit for skills I never thought of marketing.  But, starting only with 5 days total of sick and/or PTO?  At more than a 1/3 less than my previous salary.  That hurts and makes me want to cry. 
 
I keep hearing his words, 'You are waiting for everything to be perfect, Tia.  Nothing is ever going to be perfect.  You just have to go with it, and live life.'  

Yet, how do I stop feeling as if I am worth more.  That I know I am worth more.  How do I come to terms with taking steps back.  Are they steps back?  Is it ok?  I feel like I owe my mentors more, that I am to do so much more with my 'potential.'  Am I ok, with having less?  Yes, I'm ok with making less than my previous Salary.  I'm ok with less than my previous 4 weeks of vacation.  I even ok with less than the 12 days of PTO I had banked.  But I think I'm coming to realize my initial goals are 2 weeks of vacation, at least 3-6 PTO/sick days, holidays paid, health/vision/dental, 401k, and you know, with that, I'm actually ok with a hefty pay decrease.  I would prefer just $10-15k less, but I would go a bit lower.  

And a job that offers me a good work life balance - preferably day shift, weekends or at least 1 weekend day off.  No crazy late night phone calls, and a chance to learn more, using the skills I have acquired while adding to them.  Sounds easy right?  Oh, and I would like to start a job healthy.  Yes, to be able to breath and not cough a lung or stomach out would be fabulous. 

So I keep looking.  I keep hunting.  And I hope, HOPE, that I can find my next job.  And that I will be comfortable with it.  That I won't feel as though I'm letting anyone down, and that I can start to discern what I want to do with my lie, AFTER or even while I'm working.  Because right now, I'm feeling a little down, and I'm trying to see the sunlight ...

Values

Value:

1.  relative worth, merit, or importance: the value of a college education; the value of a queen in chess.

2.  monetary or material worth, as in commerce or trade: This piece of land has greatly increased in value.

3.  the worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some medium of exchange.

4.  equivalent worth or return in money, material, services, etc.: to give value for value received.

5.  estimated or assigned worth; valuation: a painting with a current value of $500,000.  

- From Dictionary.com

What is my personal value?  And what do I value?  What are my values in life?  

These are the questions I'm struggling with at the moment.  The answers are critical to my job search and with the companies at which I interview.  

I know I am a valuable employee, manager, co-worker.  I bring a great managerial and experiential skill set to the table, coupled with compassion, understanding, a sense of urgency, and a dedication and commitment to success.  But how does one put a price tag on that?  What I feel is reasonable, may not be to any potential employer.

What do I value outside of money?  In all honesty, money is important, we know this.  It is the thing, for right or wrong, that society uses to judge us - is s/he successful?  Well yes, he's bringing in $70k+ a year, just bought a new house/car/dog, etc.  Or is this just in my mind?  Am I so out of touch?  Do I give in too easily to the voice in my mind that says success is only based on title and salary?

I've been struggling with this debate for a while.  Long before I lost my job.  I was getting burned out, feeling unappreciated, and yes - in some ways unchallenged (in the end), and ... I hate to admit it, over-compensated.  But my life had adjusted to my income, so down sizing felt painful; yet I knew ALL of my friends and family had fulfilling lives, bring in much, much less than I.  So I know it's possible.

A part of me has longed for a simple job - or one that is challenging enough, and satisfying.  A job in which I can help others, learn, and grow into a better person.  A simple(r) life.  Time to go outside and enjoy the sun.  Time to read a book and be alone.  Time to spend with my significant other.  Time to FIND my significant other.  Time to spend with my family, my parents, who are not going to be here forever.  It's just me you know, no brothers or sisters, just me and my crazy clan of parents ;)

So, when I go on interviews, and we get to the money question, I know what I need to survive.  I know what I WAS making, and I know there is a HUGE gap in between.  Which brings me back to my value as an employee.  What is it?  WAS I overpaid at my last job?  I'm comfortable coming down from that number, but how much?

Yesterday - as horribly sick as I am - I went on my 3rd interview with the same employer, for a new kind of job.  A job that will give me time to BE.  Accounting/HR at a hotel. I had done a little research, I thought I knew the acceptable range of pay.  And was crushed by the number.  I took a moment and asked about the rest of the package.  Health/Vision/Dental/401k (no match yet), 1 wk vaca after 1 year.  2 wks after 2 years.  PTO after 1 year.  No negotiating time off.  

Done.  My last card for this job was taken away - I had hoped to negotiate more time off if the salary wasn't where I needed/wanted it to be.  I counter offered on the salary, asking for at LEAST another $4k, which would bring me to my rock bottom range of acceptable income.  They agreed to consider and get back to me by Friday.  I try to balance this knowledge with the fact that I come into this job with no direct accounting experience, but I DO have HR experience - more than I care to admit.  I also come in with 9+ years of extensive Management & Hotel/staff/guest experience  And I try to remember, TRY, that I'm leaving a company from which I spent 9+ years, building salary and vacation time.  

This job will bring with it new experiences, new marketable skill sets, and could open doors to other avenues.  Accounting & HR are fairly universal.  It offers a fairly regular Mon-Fri, day shift-ish schedule, with limited to no at home phone calls.  No staff reporting directly to me, but with my ability to support ALL staff and managers.  Unlimited projects.  And the chance to LEARN new things.  And, they really do want me on their team.  Everyone I spoke to was excited about the possibility of me coming aboard.  

So what do I value?  The money.  The vacation time?  The regular schedule.  What do I fear?  A part of me fears feeling resentment for being undervalued...  A part of me is stuck on the 'want' of more vacation time, especially as they might come in on the LOWEST end of my range, or lower, if they cant do the $4k bump.  Do I accept what I'm offered, and use this as a stepping stone to the next option?  The whole VAC/PTO time thing seems to be a new situation emerging in the market.  Companies are giving less and making you wait to use that little bit of time.  So will I run into this elsewhere.  Will I find another job that offers this unique chance to learn and grow - with a team that seems as friendly, welcoming, and engaging?  

What do I value?  What will I compromise?  Will I have to?

The Job Search & Choices

It's Spring!  A time of re-birth!  And my own personal New Year, being the April Taurus baby that I am.  

It's also been approximately 1.5 years since my last bad chest cold - and I'm sitting here in my living room, with the smell of eucalyptus permeating the air, a varied assortment of pills and herbs lined up along my bedside, and Juice, water, and tea at the ready.  Oh, yes, and my inhaler.  2 days before my birthday; 1 day before one of my oldest friend's wedding day, and I'm home, lightheaded and fighting a chest cold before it goes full blown.  Prednisone is awesome, but I really prefer the non-bloated look, so I'm trying to avoid it. 

And with all of this, I have the dance of 2 job possibilities circling through my mind, keeping me awake at night.  Yes, that's right - the job fairy has arrived, and I have 2 possibilities to consider.  Neither of which is the job I have been advertising for myself.  I thought, oh yes, I thought I wanted to be an Assistant General Manager of a limited service hotel.  

Even though my research and personal homework has shown that I would be best suited as a counselor, teacher, social worker, life coach, etc.  A position in which I work independently, helping others see the best in themselves and helping them through life's troubles.  But, career changing is not highly advised right now.  With so many individuals are out of work, competing for jobs in their own fields - if you try changing, you are up against many with experience and developed skill sets.  So I decided to begrudgingly stay in the hospitality field.   And figured the next logical step would be AGM, or even GM... 

Yet, I also applied for some sales jobs - even had interviews.  And found they wanted to pay me the same rate I received just out of college - 9 long, blood, sweat, and tear-filled years ago.  I thought the sales world would be exciting, and fun, and would offer a great change of pace.  Then after some thought, and speaking with a GM in the field (outside of ARAMARK), I found I was even more compelled to stay in my field of choice.  I actually got excited about it.  I put the thought of sales out of my mind, and focused on finding Operational positions as an AGM & GM. 

Weeks went by.  I attended many classes at the Career Center.  I crafted new versions of my resume.  I even did more market research trying to find that 'perfect fit' in a company whom I could approach.  Following advice from my classes - I created my very own business cards and the day after receiving them, I attended a networking event on my own!  Low and behold - I received a call the next day ... for a SALES job!  UGH!  Why?  Why oh WHY Sales again?

I took the call.  I spoke to the Director of Sales.  I wasn't overly enthused about the prospect, but I didn't want to turn down an opportunity.  It's now going on 3 full months without a job!  And this was a lead!  Thankfully my honesty and genuine nature won out, and I was granted a face to face interview the next day.  I'm so glad it worked out!!  The building is fashioned after a castle.  The team is amazing, and my interview was blessed.  I met with the GM just a few days ago.  And during that meeting was presented with the option of Accounting/HR.  

Meanwhile - other opportunities have presented them selves as well!  GM with Sodexo, and AGM with Springhill Suites.  And from the Hospitality conference, an offer to forward my resume to some other folks!  

Options.  Choices.  A chance to change my future path.  During the phone interview for AGM, I felt my soul die just a bit.  Wither up, and retreat.  I do not want to work 60-80hrs a week anymore.  I do not want to be the sole person responsible for the initial success or failure of a property.  So AGM / GM ... maybe not so much. 

But sales - could be interesting.  And the Accounting/HR position - calls to some of my strengths and interests in a way I never knew existed.  To be offered a position that could help me balance my life, and still allow me to assist others, and offer support to the property.  YAY!  And to have 2!  different leaders acknowledge my potential, without any solid experience to back me.  Most fortunate indeed.  

So Choices.  Options.  Potential offers.  My 3rd interview just the day after my birthday!  

Let's hope this cold clears up by then!  Here's to good fortune!  And the beginning of my new year - spring!  When new life, and possibilities are birthed ;)


Choices, Chances, Changes:
You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change!

Time

Time is definitely something of a mystery.  At first, each day seemed like a year, each week a lifetime.  So many life altering steps ocurring in succession.  So many personal break-throughs and steps of personal progress tumbling one after the next.

And then, I'm in a class about the job search process and I'm writing 3.21.13 on my notes.  Its been 2!!! Months.  8 weeks.  Since my life so suddenly changed and I start panicking!  I'm still unemployed!  I've not yet found a job ... I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do ... And I'm not as sad as I once was.

Time.  It's taken time.  I have set-backs on the personal front.  Confusion and more heart ache.  But also healing.  And as I heal there, I can spend more quality time on my job search.  I have re-done my resume again.  I have done market research.  I'm working on my own business cards.  Who knew interviews or informational meetings would feel so awkward without having a card to hand over.

I've visited friends!  I've gone home!  I've spent more time out of my apartment than I ever thought I would have.  And I've spent some quality time closed in as well.  I've started meditating again, really truly just sitting with myself.  Remembering what that care-free feeling actually FEELS like.

And with that I have come to hope.  Hope that the RIGHT job is out there.  That my confidence will STAY with me.  That I DO actually know what the hell I'm talking about and I CAN succeed - without being a self sacrificing work a holic, because really, I don't want that life!  I have found some balance, some interests in this time, and I LIKE them!  And a part of me fears going back to work, because this time off is really rather fun :)  It embarrasses me to say that, but now that I have found things to do during the day, I like the free scheduling and time with friends, and days off just to me.  But I know that's not reality and I must get back to the work force.

This week I have 3 classes, 2 informational interviews, and time spent in the lab finishing my business cards, and I WILL finish at least 1 approach letter.  I don't want just any job.  I want a job I think I will actually WANT to go to.  That is actually a bit harder to find that I originally thought.  I also want a job that pays well, and I'm quickly realizing that I was incredibly compensated at my previous workplace.  Largely due to the fact that I was wonderfully paid in Philly before transferring to Lowell, but still.  The Merrimack Valley does not pay nearly what I thought it would.  I'm prepared to take a pay cut.  I wasn't prepared to consider going back to the salary I started at 9 years ago when I graduated.  So I have had to reconsider quite a few things through my search and interviews ...

So that's where I stand now.  Time has started healing me.  I have taken control of a few things and try my hardest to stay positive.  In classes and at the Career Center in general, I feel inspired and energized.  I try to take that with me as drive home, and try not to lose focus.  So far, home is winning that battle, and my focus goes out the door.  But I have also been working on more than just my job and my healing heart.  My knee is stronger, my back has stopped tingling.  I have fruits and veggies in the fridge.  I'm walking outdoors again.  I have started drinking more water - Let me re-phrase that, I have started drinking water again.  And I try not to think too seriously about the future.  It will come more quickly than I am ready for, and I truly want to experience THIS moment, and love it.

Time.

It's dragging, it's fleeting, it's ticking by second by second, and I can only change how I live it and remember it.