Community

It's been awhile since I have written.  It's not for lack of wanting, or even for topics to discuss, but as a cousin once said of her own blog, sometimes there is too much feeling, too much to express through words.  Especially those that are made public.

Community
noun, plural com·mu·ni·ties.

1. a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

2. a locality inhabited by such a group.

3. a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually preceded by the  ): the business community; the community of scholars.

4. a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

5. Ecclesiastical . a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule.

It's been on my mind a lot recently.  For as long as a month or more.  I  keep coming back to this  concept, this idea.  What is community?  What is MY definition of community?  Does it need to be people always within easy proximity to me?  Does the quality and/or quantity of the relationship make a difference, to the number of people in proximity?  

Is this desire to move 'home', to Maine, a desire for the community of family present?  Or is it a fleeing from change, from the transition I am still going through?  Because, when I return to my adult life, the one I have made outside of Maine, I realize I DO have a community...

It may not always be close by or readily available according to my perception and need.  It may not always be the intimate bond I share with some of my old gold friends.  And it's not blood family.  But the community I have, the community I am growing, is unique and so in-tune with who I am.  As I have grown, and traveled, so too have I amassed an incredible web of friends, colleagues, and my own 'adopted' family.  

Friends whom I can call or text at any time, and heaven forbid I don't answer when they reply minutes, hours, or the next day - because they WILL respond to ensure I'm OK.  Thank you, by the way, to all of you on my SOS list ;)  you know who you are. 

Friends I have made in the past few years, roommates, friends of friends  slowly filling out my new 'crew.'  Colleagues, staff, managers who have become friends, and who have my best interest at heart and randomly check-in to see what is new.

Friends from college, high school, grade school, who still chat and catch up.  And the friends, those few crazy friends from the waaaaay back days of gaming, some whom I've met, and some whom I have not, and yet the bond we share is still there and just a message away.  

And the new people I am meeting, through classes, workshops, and common interests.  Spirituality, TaeKwon Do, Raw Food, Meetup.com. 

Community.  Connections.  Like all things in life, you get what you put in to it.  If I were to move back to Maine, I would miss the connections I have made here.  I have made these same connections elsewhere, Illinois, Philadelphia, ... SNHU, BHS ... and I hope I will have the chance to make them again, and again, and again.  

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is it has taken me awhile to see that I DO have a community here.  It may not fit the description and definition I was previously using in my mind.  It did not fit my expectation - but I DO have one.  I have to remember to USE it, to reach out and touch someone - LOL  To use my voice, my words. 

Who is your community?  How do you connect with others when you are feeling all alone and adrift?

Inspiration & Fodder for Tonight's Post

 

Progress

Before I go for the night:  A note on Progress

I AM healing.  In my own way.  I re-read my Blog and I can see the healing steps in each of my entries.  Moments captured that give an insight to the progress I build upon each day.  

I have a new resume!  I am taking classes at the Lowell Career Center.  I am utilizing their FREE resources to understand the job market and to learn about any new possibilities for my next job or career.  

My knee pain is virtually gone (for the moment!) and my back tingling is limited and under much better control.  I have figured out that my futon needs to go, so I have also been hunting for new SUPPORTIVE furniture.  I have Physical Therapy 2-3 times a week to ensure I will be OK in the future. 

I am starting to walk each day again, and I can feel myself getting stronger.  

I have been on a couple interviews and those give me confidence that I will re-join the workforce again, when the time and job are right.  These interviews have also helped clarify what I do and don't want in a job.

I have started planning the TKD December Awards Banquet with my friend Vicki.  It's great to be the meeting room customer for a change ;) 

I'm not completely decided on my continuation of TKD just yet.  There are many pros and cons to be weighed out.  For now - I am suspending my membership for a couple months to heal my knee, and strengthen it and my back.  

I have some goals each and every day, week, month. I am waking up early again, and getting out of the house.  I am seeing friends - my social calendar is busier than it has been in a long time!  I am actually maintaining active friendships.  

And I need to recognize my own progress.  It does not have to match any one else's.  It is mine, and I own it with Pride.  I HAVE done a lot.  Others may not see it, it may not be tangible - but in my world - my knowledge and understanding and work are HUGE.  I appreciate the steps I have been able to take.  The PROGRESS I have made. 

Thought for the Night:

"Beautiful Pictures are developed from negatives in a dark room ... 
So if you see darkness in your life, be assured that a beautiful picture is being prepared."

Injuries, Intuition, & Small Victories

**Written March, 1, 2013 while Journaling at Barnes & Noble**

I can bend my knee again!!  A week of inflammation, sharp pain, minor relief, then over doing it again in TKD - resulted in hobbling around my apartment and up & down stairs, hoping I wouldn't find myself in a heap at the bottom.  I only have insurance for a short time more, and really, 3 flights of stairs with a busted leg or self care with a busted arm is not advisable!  And now, after two days of rest, ice, arnica gel, and ibuprofen every 4-6 hours, I have a knee that can mostly bend all the way without pain!!  I can stretch!  Granted it's still a bit unstable, and twisting/turning is iffy - but I am on the mend!  By Tuesday,I hope to return to TKD - while taking it easy in class and continuing with Ibuprofen and ice :)  No squats, no lunges, and NO flip Flops!!  Tomorrow I start my strengthening exercises provided by my Dr. and Physical therapists from prior flair ups.  I WILL strengthen my knee and keep at it so this will happen less frequently!

I will also listen to my intuition more.  You know, that quiet voice inside that tells you what to do, when its for the best?  That tiny, quiet voice that encourages you to leave earlier than normal, and you miss a horrible crash, or long traffic delay.  That quiet voice that tells you to call a friend, you may not have spoken to in years, and you find out you are able to help them with something?  That quiet voice that told me to take it easy at the gym, and I ignored it, and a week later my knee is still sore.  Yes - instinct/intuition ;)  I shall listen to you more often! 

Instinct/Intuition - a miraculous gift.  Intuition, an inner knowing of what to do, what to say, how to proceed.  I have been working through a relationship/grief book these past few weeks - really since I was let go.  I have been reviewing all my past relationships, and working to 'complete' the unresolved situations, in a effort to let go, and move on.  I am realizing through these reviews that I ignored my intuition MANY times.  We all do.  There are actually many sections of this book dedicated to intuition!  It is my hope that moving forward I will listen and trust more.  This is also advised in many of the spirituality books I have read, and are in the process of reading.  It's truly a work in progress :)

Which brings me to small victories.  I am actively trying to recognize & celebrate every win, large or small in my life.  Because it's the small things over time, that help us achieve the larger wins in life.  My knee recovery is a small win.  Successfully hooking up my Wii and then accessing Netflix on my TV was a big WIN!  (Granted, now I must limit myself to how much TV I am watching.  8+ Months without a TV or cable is now being eradicated by endless episodes of Grey's Anatomy!!!  LOL).  AND!!!  So exciting!!  Earlier this week some HUGE financial worries were absolved - and I can now breath easier knowing I am more than 'ok' for the coming months :)  And that I will be able to continue Tae Kwon Do!!

The anxiety about a job is also waning and I am so very glad about that.  I really enjoy this time off - the opportunity it has given me to really work on me and REST.  Both my mental health and my spiritual health .. yes and physical (so long as I LISTEN to my body!!)  And the opportunity to just BE.  But - Those that know me well, know that I cannot be 'mindless' for long.  I want to contribute to the community and the world.  I like work - I'm a workaholic most of the time (working [no pun intended] on that as well - establishing habits/structures for balance in my life!).  This whole 'no job' thing is really starting to bug me a bit.  

So, I'm very glad that I'm not feeling as overwhelmed by the job hunt process.  A large part of that alleviation is ME re-evaluating my expectations.  When I was let go I thought to myself, 'YES!  I can finally leave Hospitality!!   This is the perfect opportunity!'  And - I became overwhelmed by the prospect of finding a job outside the ONLY industry I have EVER worked in.  As well as leaving the only company I have worked for in the past 10 years!  That's a REALLY, REALLY huge expectation.  And I stuck to it so solidly, that I would freeze every time I logged in to look for jobs.  And again and again, I found myself searching for hotel jobs ... 

So yes - its a great opportunity to have time to explore other options.  I'm working through the book, 'What color is your parachute' which helps do a very comprehensive self-evaluation to discover a persons likes, interests, skill sets, and a number of other things (I haven't finished the book yet - lol) from ALL aspects of a persons life.  It's helping my pinpoint the parts of jobs that I like, and my own expectations.  With this information I hope to find a more fulfilling job.  And I have come to realize that it's OK if I get a job in Hospitality.  I do not have to stay there forever.  I don't have to log another 10 years of my life with one company.  I know I have not really liked any of my previous jobs.  So maybe it was just the company  I did not like.  Maybe it was the type of job, or the expectations.  Thus, it is with this new information I can hopefully find a job that I LIKE - or even better, one that is Fulfilling!! 

And to further the job hunt, I had one meeting already and more set up with my old college professor, an informational interview with a GM in Manchester, a meeting with an adviser at the Career Center down the street, and I am attending a career center seminar (as dictated by Mass. Unemployment).  I'm also looking online a few times a week.  So the ball is rolling ... yay?  LOL

I'm learning a lot of things about myself.  Learning that I cause a lot of my own anxiety - from Absolute beliefs, that are not healthy.  Old patterns that no longer serve.  Patterns that are coming to light - now that I have the time to simply BE with myself - without a job or partner to bury myself in.  Small Victories, turning into larger victories :)

I'm learning to Listen.  To release my need for ultimate control, as I learn to relax.  To think positively, and to be OK with where I am - In ALL aspects of life.  I am keeping my eye on the next goal, and learning to bend, not break, as that goal changes.  Learning its OK to change the goal.  Really, it is.  Sometimes what we want, and what we need are very different things.  Both help us grow, and I remind myself:  It's a journey - with many info posts, challenges, and sights along the way. And REST STOPS!!! 

OH!!  Another small victory, ok, really a BIG Victory.  Master Seo told me when I belt test in a couple weeks - I will jump yellow belt! He's going to give me my Orange Belt.  WOO!!  

Victories - small and large - Celebrating them all with Gratitude ;)