Communities Found!

It's been almost a year since my last entry.  And yet, it feels like just yesterday or perhaps even a month ago, that Christmas was here.  My Mom was upset that decorating took so long; a cat knocked over the 14ft tree for the first time ever in our long history of super tall trees, and my year off of healing and self reflection came to end as I started my 'new' job.

46 weeks, over 17,000 miles, and an abundance of new experiences later, I have once again carved out a new life for myself.  I am still living at home with my parents and feel just a smidgen of shame over this.  Yet it feels comfortable and safe, and I enjoy not living by myself.  I have my room, my books, and my phone.  I have pets and the love of family and friends.  The years spent yearning for home (i.e. MAINE) are at an end.  That deep seated need is being met.  

AND!  Most exciting in all of this - My 2013 theme and desire for community has yielded AMAZING results!  As well as my search for a spiritual practice and a form of 'work'/ life purpose that comes naturally to me. 

My communities are varied and spread throughout the state of Maine.  I have found a type of home in my Unitarian Universalist church and the subsequent small groups therein.  A Discussion/book club and a Women's Spirituality group both meet monthly.  As well as weekly services and a variety of church events like the craft fair and theater productions.  New and varied friends have been discovered and such a wealth of information and insight come from the many Sages within our church community.  It's a mind opening experience each and every time I get together with any of my church peoples.

Curves is my new gym and thus new workout buddies have been found.  My Monday/Wednesday/Friday group is typically there from 6-7pm and I enjoy my time and discussion with them.  I also found out that my favorite coach teaches country line dancing one night a week!  Hallelujah!  I can dance again - it's been loads of fun!  The dance group also had ties back to my grade school line dancing crew - so yet another home coming of sorts was found  :)

And then - my Holistic Fairs!  Where once I sought them out to obtain guidance and supplies for myself, I now have the opportunity to pass along the messages of self love, and trusting ones own intuition to others!  My life long gift of empathy - the ability to tap into others to read their emotions and their situations (along with an abundance of other insight) has yielded such joy and love in my life - and a means of additional income which is a fabulous bonus.  The community is large, yet a number of folks (vendors) attend most if not all of the fairs.  Some of them have adopted me and taken me into their group.  It feels so much like 'coming home' when I walk into a fair either as a vendor or attendee.  A smile stretches across my face and my heart feels light and full.  It's a wonderful thing and I am very grateful to be a part of it all.  I'm not sure how long I'll do fairs - if it's just a stepping stone to my own healing practice later or if its something I will do for fun for years to come.  But right now, it fills me in a way that I cannot explain, except it's good, and makes me happy! 

I was also able to receive my Reiki I attunement in the spring and look forward to my Reiki II attunement soon :)  This has, and will continue to, assist in my readings, and will allow me to help people near and far.  Reiki is an amazing healing modality that has opened my own awareness so much.  I look forward to many more wonderful experiences through it. 

And I cannot forget my family and friends who made, and continue to make, ALL of this possible.  My family - including all of those I 'adopted' along the way.  The Waterville crew, thanks to my best friend Amanda, and the friends I left behind in MA & NH.  All of you supported me and continue to support me, along the way.  I would not be here, as successful as I am now, without you!  THANK YOU! 

And to my new friends - you are opening my eyes & heart in ways I would have never imagined.  You continue to Present new ideas and perspectives that make me smile and enrich my life.  Many thanks and much love to:  Autumn, Tysa, T.J., and Laurie (because it's a whole new connection!)

Quotes for the past year:

"Celebrate the people in your life who are there because they love you for no other reason than because you are YOU.” ~Mandy Hale 

"Whatever we think about and THANK about, we bring about!" ~John DeMartini

"As I began to love myself
I freed myself of anything 
that is no good for my health 
- food, people, things, situations, and everything 
that drew me down and away from myself.  
At First I called this attitude a healthy egoism.  
Today I know it as 
LOVE OF ONESELF"
~ Charlie Chaplin

"Trust your Struggle...Know that every obstacle before you has it's own purpose, no matter how painful or pointless it may seem.Trust in your journey that has been set out for you..keep the light within you lit, ..and you will always have the flame to overcome anything." ~Babz

A picture is worth a thousand words (and memories)

I sync'd my iPhone to my computer tonight and updated my music selection.  Which lead me to see that I only had .5GB of space left.  I figured it was time to clean up my photos.  3.4GB is quite a few ...

So many memories from the beginning of my relationship through present.  I realize now that I have been pushing down the good times, and remembering mostly the bad.  Going through the photos and sorting them into files (because I'm a bit neurotic that way) and then deleting them (no, not all, not yet) from my phone brought flashbacks of ALL our times together.  Seeing my smiling face, OUR smiling faces - made me remember the good times, the happy, bliss filled moments, the hopes & dreams of our future.  The reason(s) I wanted us to work for so very long.  The reason(s) why I could ignore that little voice and push it away.  We did have MANY good times, and I have the photo story book to prove it.  

And yet, even with the positive, happy memories came the slow crawling shadow of doubt, about 3 minutes behind that warm rush.  Presently, the little voice colored over some of those moments and with that, I know the balance is coming.  The ability to look at the past and smile and be thankful for what we had.  I know it will take time and I know for now I will look at the pictures and sometimes, I'll forget that I broke it off; For a moment, like tonight, I will be back in time and feel my own happiness.  Then, I will look up, see my surroundings, and know I am moving on.  

It has been a roller coaster, and I am glad I went through the pictures.  I'm glad I felt the emotions, and could recognize them for what they are, and what they represent to me.  I didn't dig too deeply.  I'm working on (and through) that elsewhere.  Right now, I just wanted to make space, save the pictures, and take another step towards closure and the future.  It makes me feel slightly guilty, but I know it's all part of the process.  

And - I cleaned up 1.4GB of space in my iPhone picture stash!  It's all about the small steps right?  And being present, in the moment.  Right here, right now.

"If you're depressed, you're living in the past. 
If you're anxious, you're living in the future. 
If you're at peace, you're living in the present." 

-Lao Tzu